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Buku Conceiving with Love by Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

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Conceiving with Love by Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

Author:Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

Language: eng

Format: epub

Publisher: Shambhala

Published: 2019-05-27T16:00:00+00:00

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Conceiving with Love by Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

THE LOSS OF “SEXY”

Patricia Futia, LMFT, a Southern California relationship and sex therapist, says the majority of the patients she sees are sexless couples for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons is the deep shame one or both partners have around expressing who they are and what they long for sexually. That shame, which can happen because of a lack of sex education, prevents them from living an authentic and genuine life. Often she needs to start with sex ed before they can get to sex therapy. She gives her patients permission to reveal themselves and reminds them over and over again that their “sexuality is foundational, and to deny it is like walking around with only one leg and one arm.”1

It’s hard enough for couples to talk about their sexual needs or admit that they feel undesirable when they’re not trying to get pregnant; adding fertility challenges to the mix can be a recipe for disaster. And to make matters worse, if Western medicine is involved, the “sexy” pretty much gets stripped out of the equation. One woman came to see me initially complaining of insomnia, but eventually admitted her real concern: “It all started after I began the fertility drugs. I hate how I feel on them, even though I want so badly—no, we both want so badly—to have a baby. I’m having a hard time. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be touched. We used to be so close, and now this whole fertility business has pulled us apart.”

 

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Conceiving with Love by Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

Author:Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe , Date: September 27, 2019

,Views: 59

Author:Denise Wiesner & Linda Sparrowe

Language: eng

Format: epub

Publisher: Shambhala

Published: 2019-05-27T16:00:00+00:00
THE LOSS OF “SEXY”

Patricia Futia, LMFT, a Southern California relationship and sex therapist, says the majority of the patients she sees are sexless couples for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons is the deep shame one or both partners have around expressing who they are and what they long for sexually. That shame, which can happen because of a lack of sex education, prevents them from living an authentic and genuine life. Often she needs to start with sex ed before they can get to sex therapy. She gives her patients permission to reveal themselves and reminds them over and over again that their “sexuality is foundational, and to deny it is like walking around with only one leg and one arm.”1

It’s hard enough for couples to talk about their sexual needs or admit that they feel undesirable when they’re not trying to get pregnant; adding fertility challenges to the mix can be a recipe for disaster. And to make matters worse, if Western medicine is involved, the “sexy” pretty much gets stripped out of the equation. One woman came to see me initially complaining of insomnia, but eventually admitted her real concern: “It all started after I began the fertility drugs. I hate how I feel on them, even though I want so badly—no, we both want so badly—to have a baby. I’m having a hard time. I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be touched. We used to be so close, and now this whole fertility business has pulled us apart.”

For these couples, what once was making love to connect heart-to-heart has become an urgent chore to conceive, devoid of pleasure. When I mention baby-making sex and how mechanical it can get, they all nod their heads in agreement. It reminds me of the old Supremes song “Where Did Our Love Go?” The expediency, urgency, and business of making a baby have replaced the love, intimacy, and sacredness of making love. When that happens, I remind couples to carry within their hearts the bigger picture. Having a baby is something that we can’t control, even if we use Western reproductive medicine—and I know firsthand how crazy-making that can be. I tell my patients to trust that their sacred union will invite the perfect soul to enter and, in the meantime, let go of the need to control. I suggest they make a pact to enjoy each other again. Having a baby is about love, making love, being love, and surrendering to love. We spend so much time thinking, planning, organizing, waiting, and hoping, we forget to attend to and nurture the fire in our hearts and the flame in our loins.

So how do couples rekindle the spark that moved them to want to create life together in the first place? According to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), the way to regain connection and fertility is to get your heart back in the game. And how do you do that? By unblocking the pathway in the

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