Buku The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable : the collected wit and wisdom of Jamie Buckingham by Buckingham Jamie

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The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable : the collected wit and wisdom of Jamie Buckingham by Buckingham Jamie

Author:Buckingham, Jamie [Buckingham, Jamie]

Language: eng

Format: epub

Tags: American wit and humor, Christianity, Conduct of life

Publisher: Altamonte Springs, Fla. : Creation House

Published: 1988-05-25T19:00:00+00:00

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The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable : the collected wit and wisdom of Jamie Buckingham by Buckingham Jamie

But First It Will Make You Miserable

each morning,” my mother reminded me. Well, I’d had to fight his specter all my life, so I bought the Royal Canadian Air Force book of calisthenics and got to work.

The first morning, grunting and sweating in my pajamas, I jumped and bounced between the bed and the chest of drawers. I heard a squeal behind me and turned to see one of my teenage daughters with her hand over her mouth.

 

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The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable : the collected wit and wisdom of Jamie Buckingham by Buckingham Jamie

Author:Buckingham, Jamie [Buckingham, Jamie] , Date: June 7, 2019

,Views: 25

Author:Buckingham, Jamie [Buckingham, Jamie]

Language: eng

Format: epub

Tags: American wit and humor, Christianity, Conduct of life

Publisher: Altamonte Springs, Fla. : Creation House

Published: 1988-05-25T19:00:00+00:00
But First It Will Make You Miserable

each morning,” my mother reminded me. Well, I’d had to fight his specter all my life, so I bought the Royal Canadian Air Force book of calisthenics and got to work.

The first morning, grunting and sweating in my pajamas, I jumped and bounced between the bed and the chest of drawers. I heard a squeal behind me and turned to see one of my teenage daughters with her hand over her mouth.

*’It bounces just like jelly. Daddy,” Bonnie giggled. That sent me into the kitchen where I found a bag of week-old doughnuts to ease the embarrassment.

I consulted my friend, Harvey Hester, who is a psychotherapist. Other than the fact that he was definitely neurotic, had a sick sense of humor and was fatter than I, I felt I could trust him. He suggested a test I could perform to determine whether I really needed to lose weight or not.

“A lot of fat people are actually in marvelous shape,” he said, mentioning Russian weightlifters and those big Japanese wrestlers who wear diapers. He said I should strip off all my clothes and lie down flat on the floor. Then I should push myself up into a headstand. He said if I had problems with this, I should get Jackie to hold my feet to steady me. If she broke out into gales of laughter I should ignore it and continue the exercise. (Statistics prove that very few wives are capable of holding the feet of their naked husbands, while they are standing on their heads, without giggling.) The other thing he told me to watch out for would be her tendency to tickle me behind the knees. In fact it would be best if I could learn to stand on my head unassisted.

The purpose of this, he said, was to test my physical responses. Temporary deafness and nausea were to be expected. These are merely symptoms of middle age. The thing I should check for, he pointed out, was blindness.

“If everything goes dark and you have trouble breathing, you have a serious problem,” he said seriously. ‘*It means your fat has slipped down and covered your head.”

He then broke into hilarious laughter and staggered out of his office clutching his sides, repeating his sick joke to all the people waiting in his front office. Most of them laughed so hard they got healed and didn’t have to keep their appointments, meaning he lost hundreds of dollars for which I was glad.

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